Friday, January 19, 2007

Entrepreneur Life Journey - Love Life Lesson
Being in my entrepreneur journey for all this years,
I may be dynamic in what I’m doing in business.
But when comes to relationship,
I learn through hard time and lots of learning lesson.

How I became stronger today, is what I have been through.
Since the younger days when I started to step into the society,
I came across numbers of male friend
who would do anything just to please me and win my heart.

But I’m always looking for the better one.

When I met the ‘one’ I thought is the ‘Better one’,
I was committed 100%.

And I was badly hurt.

My last marriage has caused me emotional and financially hurt,
real bad.

It really isn’t easy to pull myself out of the mud all by myself
and try to stand up again and realized that
I was all covered with dry mud
that I have to take a long time to scrap it bit by bit
to get myself out of the dirt,
than realized that my both feet is still in the mud
and have to find some place I can put my feet on
and start cleaning up again.

I begin to study into many details what has gone wrong.

If you can relate to me,
you will be even more interested to know
what has gone wrong.
It seems all like a perfect wedding and a perfect match
But it did not last more that 3 months.

“One Marriage, Life Lesson”
is the chapter I have in mind to write all the details
why a seems perfect marriage falls apart after 3 months.
I have no idea now how I am going to put
this chapter together
because it needs courage to do so.
But having the purpose of;
by sharing how I made my mistake and if anyone
would benefit from learning from it, It will all worth it.

One very real thing I realized why relationship falls out
mostly is because of this one important
key element that is missing
‘Effective Communication’

Many stories of relationship issues happen
around us everyday.
Have you heard someone says?
~ “She don’t understand me.” ~
~ “She is so hard to please; woman is so hard
to understand.” ~
~ “He does not care about my feelings.” ~
~ “I have take care of everything in the family and
he is not appreciative and not satisfied.” ~
~ “I just can’t talk to him, he wouldn’t listen,
he will just shut me off.” ~

I’m sure this sounds familiar to most.
I travel to different countries and met different people.
We may have different color skin, different color hairs,
and different back ground.
But this one important element in relationship that is lack of
Is always the same; ‘Effective Communication’

My first question to these is:
Have you ever tell him/her exactly what you want
and how you feel? Speaking from your heart?
And Have you truly, whole heartedly listen to your
partner’s comment
with no judgment and full of compassion?

Is a real challenge isn’t it?

Communications has to be both ways.

How to share our feelings without finger pointing,
blaming and justifying?

And most importantly
How to also be able to give a calm listening ear, willing heart,
and non-judgmental attitude to listen and
acknowledge what is coming across
without speaking any comment or suggestion,
at the same time not taking it personal?

This is even tougher isn’t it?

I love this book call
“Men are from MARS, Women are from VENUS”
By John Gray

I studied every thing John mentioned in his book
and think very deeply.

I realized most people I heard about
that have challenges in relationship
most of the time the biggest enemy gets in the way
before any communication could happen is call

Every one of us has a little friend in us name: EGO
Most of the time it gets in our way and
block our vision and our ear.

I have learn this little trick
I talk to my little Ego friend to leave me alone
because I don’t need him around
when I feel that he comes close to me

If most people could also realized that
first if we want someone to listen to us when we speak
than we have to first be the one
to be willing to listen
with a calm listening ear, with willing heart,
and non-judgmental attitude
to listen and acknowledge what is coming across
without speaking any comment or suggestion,
at the same time not taking it personal?

It does needs some effort and takes a while to practice that.
Isn’t it wonderful if everyone can speak from the heart freely
and not worry about being rejected and being judge upon?

In a bigger scale, the world will be a better place.

The major problem that causes my marriage breaks down
mainly is communication break down
Big Time

If one party try to communicate
and the other party EGO gets in the way
It just wouldn’t work.

I may be recognized as a successful entrepreneur
and business lady
And most people expect I should handle the relationship part
without much effort in the past
It just doesn't relate the same way
I felt suppressed in that relationship
When I was in it I could not see it.
But when I'm willing to step back and look at it
in a different angle,
the vision is clearer and things begin to change for the better.

Now I have learned.

“One Marriage, Life Lesson”

Entrepreneur Life Journey - Love Life Lesson

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

How do I gather the COURAGE to write
As an entrepreneur for more than 10 years, I never did knew I can share my writing.
Last evening after a long day of meeting up with my business oversea guest in town, enjoying myself with entertainment, food and shopping, the other most rewarding happening to end my day is getting a email notice from Ezine Articles that
my first article “Entrepreneur Life Journey – Enlighten Millionaires” was approved
and also earned Expert Author status.

In my heart I went a very subtle: wow!

I cannot help it but recalling back the day of this really upset and unforgettable memory during my childhood just after my PSLE, equivalent to 6th grade in junior school, going into the Secondary level of my education.

My family background was a very conservative authentic Chinese family and both my parents speak only local dialect and some Chinese language.
Naturally I was sent to a Chinese school from day one.
All subjects including Science, mathematics, history etc. are all in Chinese except English language is in very simple English syllabus.

I speak only Chinese language and dialect as a child. I can only speak simple words of English and cannot make any proper sentences both in speech and writing.

My life started to change just after my PSLE results were out.

I remember my parent was called to my form teacher’s office to discuss the issues of transferring me to an English secondary school in the next grade because my examination results was good and qualify to consider the change.

Then, I have no idea what was going on.

All I know was I have excellent result in most subject and my parents have to make the decision for me to go to a popular Chinese Secondary School or put me in a less popular
English school to change my destiny.
My parent has no idea what to do and finally I guess they take the suggestions of my form teacher advice of sending me to an English secondary school.

There is where my ‘Nightmare’ begin.

School starts in a new year;
the first day I step into a totally new environment of every subject is in English language
except Chinese subject is simple Chinese.
All my previous classmate was not there.
Every body around me speaks English.
All the teachers speak English.
All the Science and Math formula is in English.
Including the air smells like English.

Everything was in English and I cannot recognize any thing in the text book at all!!

I cannot communicate with my new classmates.
I do not understand what my teacher is saying in class.
And everyone laugh at me when I speak my broken English.
I get no response when I speak Mandarin to anyone. And no one plays with me.

I feel like an alien.

Classmates tease me for not able to speak English but I do not understand what they say.
All I saw was they were pointing at me and laughing.
I stay away from everyone.

I hate school.

My first semester examination, all subject failed except Chinese subject was scored with flying color with almost full points.
My first year end examination, again all subject failed except Chinese.
I was not qualified to go to the next grade but have to repeat the same grade for another year.
I was really demoralized emotionally totally as a kid and I cried for days.

Just not too long ago, I was scoring high marks in school and next I failed my entire subjects that are in English language.

That was the first major hit/test in my life.

I remembered I said to my parents I’m not going to school anymore.
But what am I going to do if I am not going to school, I ask myself.
Over the month of winter school holiday,
it was really the most unhappy school holiday in my life.

I felt like a failure and I just wanted to quit the game.
I was lost and did not know how to go on.

My parent could not help in teaching me.
I just have to find my own way to solve my own problem.

I realized I have only 2 choices; I can choose to quit or to fight it.

Obviously I choose the lather one.
I went back to school, with the same set of text book, for the first time in years.
The first day going to school, I really wish that no one recognize me.

I step into the classroom and started all over again, with the new set of classmate because everyone has gone to the 8th grade except me. I felt left out and upset occasionally see them at the cafeteria as 8th grade student but I’m still at the 7th grade.

I took all courage to speak my first few sentences in English.
I was laugh at again but this time I ask to be corrected.
From the pain I went through, I learn to just take their laughter non personal instead I laugh together with them.

I realized in order for me to learn I must be willing to make lots of mistake.

I re-learn all the Science and Math formula all over again, memorizing them hard.
Started learning everything all over again, that was really tough.

Besides school, no one else around me outside school can help me with learning.
I depended only on my willingness to learn and make mistake and learn again that help myself to begin able to understand and read English.

I can’t deny that during than as a child I have the feeling of blaming my parent of putting me through these pains for their decision made. Until I was older that I understand it was situation change that things needed to change.

“Every adversity has a hidden seed of opportunity equivalent or greater” - Napoleon Hill

What if I have not gone through the phase of learning English as a language during my childhood time, today as an adult, can I learn English all over again?
It would be much tougher and many things would be different now.

Till today, if you ask me what 7 multiply by 12 are? My thoughts would produce an answer from Chinese math multiplication formular with an answer in Chinese before I say 84 in English.

That is a secret I just told you.

All this years, in my thought, for me to write an essay is nearly impossible.
Few years ago, I wanted to write my life journey but have always belief that I cannot write because I will be laugh at. In my business I always have someone to help me in writing.

Few months back in July, when I just return from California, a good friend suggested I should write a blog, in my heart my reply was:
I cannot write.

He said to me: Just share your story.

After I return home, I started to create my blog thru the night and completed my first article that night. But I didn’t share with him or anyone because I have no confident to share with anyone my writing.
I return back to California in August and forget all about it.

Until this same friend of mine shared with me a book in
couple weeks ago and in that book it says:
"Write just like you talk. Keep your writing simple. Use plain, easy to understand English. People don’t care if you know a lot of big words. Just imagine you are having a casual conversation with a friend, be friendly and personable."
Then, I told him: Actually I did started writing in July.

Yes! And I can do that. And I’m willing to learn.
Now I feel comfortable to just have to speak to my friends here about my feelings and thoughts, and share my entrepreneur journey.
Thank you for all the enlighten encouragement.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Entrepreneur Life Journey
This writing journey begin on July 1st 2006

This time round my return to Singapore, my conscious mind telling me; I'm home again. Deep inside me, I have a feeling of foreign and strange in the centre of my heart.

Am I home again? Or I'm I away from home?

I've been away for too long.......may be.

Having a few adventure of turning in to the wrong direction of the road and driving on the wrong side of the road, scary to see big car head lights coming towards me really wakes me up like a lemon juice. Getting into the passenger seat than realized I couldn't find the steering wheel, so embarrassed knowing someone in the car next to me was wondering what she is doing. All this experience does help to remind me I am in Singapore. I am home.

The place I was born and grow with all the entrepreneurer life learning experiences.

Recalling back to the first day I traveled all the way and all by myself to California, LAX, and transit to San Diego, held with a goal of being there to network with the successful people, like Jack Canfield or Mark Victor Hanson, Author of the book 'Chicken Soup for the Soul' in the Money & You business excellerated program anniversary event, 16th March 2004 was the day.

Without knowing what will I see or meet when I arrive at the airport...was a challenging feeling but at the same time, fun.
I did make my way fine to San Diego airport, in a cool and drizzling spring night.

Me, Jack Canfield and Melvin, my fellow M&Y graduate mate.

Since then, South California and I have begun a strange relationship, attached and not attached. Sub-consciously, I always feel there are something there are waiting for me and are meant for me to see it.

Beautiful Pacific Ocean. I took this picture during a coast drive. I name this picture "Far Away From Home" This picture is currently archive in the International Photography Association.

I love the climate. I love the local fresh fruits. And I love the spaciousness of the place.

So, why do I have the spur to begin this journey of writing? A good friend just told me: share your story.
I thought: why not?

I have been through high and low time. I have been through running and owning business. I have been to different countries over the years, and been through many experiences in the business and personal life.
Looking back, how I wish there were someone then to tell me her life experiences and I would have learned from it and save so much time to find out myself. But than, if you ask me if I can start all over again would I choose to do so, I guess my answer is no. Through the journey, I know I had touched many people life. I may have faced some emotional upset which is inevitable during the journey, at least I know that those who have encounter with me both in business or personal level, have benefited somehow or someway.
Most importantly is the value of who I become.
The journey of in the entrepreneur business world has been a very interesting and fruitful one for me, as well as adding on the personal life part of it. Learning through repeating experiences over and over again, but didn't recognize it. I guess many of us do not realized some of our life story is repeating episode after episode with different people until some point some thing suddenly wake us up. But sad to say some people didn't have the chance to wake up.

Too young to realized may be a reason to some, but now that I am outside the box, it is all about listening and awareness. Nothing much to do with age.

I grow passed through the pain and agony, joy and laughter. Like the Chinese said: "Been there and done that, bruises and swell on the forehead." I guess my forhead skin is thicken and seasoned.
Now I have confident more than I ever did.

Many times I get same questions from people, especially men. They wonder why I am in California. What do I do? Why do I always appear to enjoy my life so much and not need going to work every morning? How do I make my living? And how do I sustain my lifestyle and not working? Most people think that I'm mysterious, interesting and fun. I get comments like: You make my day just to see your smile, you bring joy to people where ever you go, you are such an angel, you make me laugh....etc. ...I guess they like my companion. I am happy to know that I can made someone's day.

Isn't life supposed to be that way?? I imagine life is that way, so I create it that way.
Hmmm........ This is really interesting.

Are we talking about thoughts bring to action and create reality? In my experience, yes it is.


Let's talk about this a little.

Begin with an end in mind.

I tried that. It works many times. And the more I do it the more powerful it gets.

My first experience was; I know the parking space at Suntec City basement one is always full. I do not like to go to Suntec City because of the problems of getting a parking lot.
One time I have to meet someone at Suntec City. As I got into my car and started driving I have an end in mind. I think to myself I'm going to arrive at the basement one parking space, at the particular parking corner that is close to the elevator, I'm going to have a parking space right there available while I arrive. Having that end result in my mind, I actually can see it so clearly that a car will pull out for me to park my car.

As I enter the basement one parking space, I turn left to towards the corner I have in mind to park. As I drove very slowly towards the corner and stop, no lots available. Just as I look into the rear mirror someone came and got into his car and left.

Some may say is a coincident. It happened for a reason.
So, the truth behind the curtain, how is my lifestyle now?
And what do I do everyday in California?

Living in California was just a thought to have a break for a year, networking and seek opportunity. Besides that is also my dream of living away from Singapore and experience a different life. It all came together partly because then my last marriage was going no where after some handsome effort of just me, one sided, trying to make it right. We finally separated.
Some day I may share my thoughts and learning experience if anyone would love to learn from it. I would call it "One Marriage, Life Lesson"

My break in California ends up to be a longer break than I expected. The lifestyle there is very pleasant and comfortable. Days can just pass by very quickly relaxing.
Especially when I have my love pet, COOKIE, the shitzu dog I adopted since he was just 2 month old. I flown him to California with me last May. I could just spend my whole day with him and we both are happy and contented. Cookie is a very very cute and intelligent dog. I can't wait to tell you more about Cookie. He was born in Australia, imported to and grown up in Singapore, now enjoying life in California. I would love to write a comic book of Cookie's life.

Cookie, the Shitzu. He is a good looking dog.
Sorry for the distraction of getting excited when talk about Cookie.
Deep inside me I have never stop looking, while enjoying. My networking mode is on 24/7 and 365. Through the years, I have been groomed into a super natural network creator.

Just like it says:
'Successful people build network, and the rest look for work.'

It is very true.

Every morning at Newport beach or Laguna beach, those who goes around for walk and execise or walk the dogs, have breakfast at coffee places with their comfortable casual outfit, and get to know each other at the coffee place, are mostly successful and wealthy. Those who attend charity event are the entrepreneurs, business man, most are wealthyand millionaires. Successful people enjoy what they are doing and non stop networking.
Networking skill is not learning over night. Some may have the natural people loving skill, some may need to learn. No matter where we begin, I realized the key for me is first to love myself. Which means take care of your own being first.
I begin with improving myself spiritually and intellectually. Giving my mind room to rest and feed my mind with good ingredient. Execise for a healthy body, eat healthy and grooming, which also means dress well. Grooming and stay young and beautiful is a whole other subject that gets me excited about. It is all about a cultivated habit that will benefit us life long.
"One Beauty Routine, Life Long Benefit"
With those area taken care of, emotion thoughts balance, confident rises, energy will be positive, you will glow. And think about it this way, who will you want to be around with that will give you positive impact and enjoyable to be with?
Be the one you like to be with.

I read the book: 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie. The chapter 2 has given me a deep impression; it reminds me that I do have a great smile.

There is only ONE first impression!

And I know my smile is going to worth more than a million dollar.

The rest of the book is a bonus.

My activity in the morning could be walking around the beach with Cookie and meet up with friends, have coffee and breakfast, talk about different possible business venture. Sometime meet some people there and get to know what they do. Most people have a nature of a helping heart. Especially when they know that you are new in the area. Learning from other people past experience could save us lots of time to find out ourselves.

I could join a lunch networking meeting if I would.
I could be in the bookstore or in the shopping mall in the afternoon after lunch.
I could be in the gym.
I could be surfing the net the whole day checking out information I want.
Or I could be day dreaming and let my creative mind plan on the next business possibilities. These are the major activities I do.

No matter where I am, I'm always ready to give the best first impression because there is only one chance.

A very successful business man that I met told me that he noticed me because of my smile. I was smiling even the service person at the billing counter of a phone service company was not providing very good service. He offered to help and we network.

And now I represent his company to expand the business to Asia Pacific region.
That leads me to my million dollars business.

In 1992, while I was running my interior design company in Singapore, totally sold my many years of life to the business for more than 10 years.
Being a entrepreneur all my life, i learned thru the real life critical decisions making, facing the joy and pain altogether.
My first business was a very successful and profitalbe business but major partnership problems. I call it "One Business, Life Lesson" in my next chapter to share about how I started a business from Zero Capital to more than a million dollar revenue annually after 2 years.
And finally why I quit.
After that experience, how did I start all over again from just $35.
Since then, I always imagine and wanted to have a business that will take me around the world, meeting lots of quality people. Get to travel to different places and create business at the same time.

What did I imagine my life would be? Or my business would be?

First I started with a vision that is:
To seek out and leverage with companies that have unique products and services that would improve live for all humanity. Through unique creative and strategic approach, bridging them to the rapidly expanding market and expand their business many more times from where it begins.
That is another 'Begin with an end in mind' process.
That was another entrepreneur journey started in the far away land.....